Vladimir Putin rebrands “Two Jews, three opinions” as “100 million Russians, one opinion” after being confirmed as President until 2036

By, Jonathan Korn, Editor

Vladimir Putin has been confirmed as Russian President for the next 16 years after winning almost 80% of the vote in a completely free and fair (ly corrupt) referendum held across the country on July the 1st 2020. 

Already, the Kremlin has been accused of foul play by Washington officials, who claim the vote was rigged by the state. However, a senior source in Moscow reminded Oy Vey Magazine of Russia’s unimpeachable democratic credentials, dating back to Stalinist times, and stated confidently that former KGB agent Vladimir Putin was one of the last people he would expect to seek to undermine democracy through coercion. The source also suggested that I write exactly those words in this article if I wanted to leave Russia with all my limbs attached to my body.

Reaction in the Jewish community to Putin’s triumph has been mixed. Berel Lazar, Chief Rabbi of the Russian Federation, welcomed the constitutional changes, noting that neither God nor Moses would have achieved much if they’d been given 5-year term limits. 

However, diaspora Jewry took a dimmer view of events. One senior Belgian Rabbi pointed out that if Putin was President of the Jewish Community, he’d have a hard time getting two Jews to agree on anything, let alone 100 million. 

For now, though, the old Jewish adage needs some editing in Moscow. In the new Russia, it is no longer “Two Jews, three opinions”, but “100 million Russians, one Presidential opinion”.

Featured Image: Unsplash/Nikolay Vorobyev

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