Jews can’t decide whether they are ignoring the three weeks or lockdown as they go on night out

By, Sabrina Miller, Editor

A group of British Jews were unsure whether their party more grossly violated social distancing rules or the Jewish three-week mourning period. They were left confounded as they struggled to decide whether they cared less about breaking lockdown laws or halachic laws on their night out. 

Rabbinic and local authorities have since been hunting down this pack of Jewish scoundrels. One frustrated Rabbi admitted that the group had “succeeded in breaking as many rules at once, as possible”. 

Confusion was not however limited to this partying pack. Jews from all sections of British society are perplexed by both Jewish and British law. 

One particularly distressed individual admitted that, “I know I am breaking some rules, I just don’t know which ones. 

I can’t remember who has been banned what and when. I had my haircut before the three weeks but during lockdown and last night I attended a socially distanced wedding with alcohol and music – but I didn’t drink, and the music wasn’t very loud!” 

Since lockdown began lots of community leaders have been grappling with the fact that Jews have essentially been observing the three weeks for the past four months. Some communities tentatively suggested that maybe “Jews should sack off all this mourning malarkey and just go to the bloody pub.”

Featured image: Unsplash/ Mitchell Orr

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