Outrage at Statue Vandalism

By, Baruch Gilinsky, Contributor

Onlookers were outraged when a local stonecutter’s son took his hammer to a number of statues in his father’s shop.

Abraham, left in charge of his father’s statue shop, engaged in a bout of far-left activism, smashing the statues that were standing there to be sold. Part of the new generation of hyper-woke liberals seeking to remove all traces of idolatry from the public sphere.

Abraham is considered by many to be a radical Monetheist activist. Indeed, this reporter can reveal that before engaging in the criminal damage for which he is now so famous, he rudely embarrassed two customers who attempted to purchase items from the family shop. Classic millennials, degrading the elderly generations of society!

A witness of the vandalism, Jonathan Cohen, had this to say.

“I was outraged. Of course, there are legitimate debates to be had about whether we should still be worshipping inanimate objects. But simply removing the statues just destroys history. How else will we know what happened in the past?” When asked whether it might not be more sensible to write it on a scroll, Mr Cohen had little else to say.

Local political leader Nimrod reacted strongly, saying that such criminal damage could not go unpunished. In a statement to local law enforcement officers, he stated, “we will do everything in our power to curb this anti-social violence. These Monotheists who want to destroy our idol-worshipping way of life must be brought in line.” At the time of print, we heard that Abraham and his brother were to be burnt in a fire.

Too right – these hyper-woke youngsters should get a taste of their own iconoclastic medicine. Our idols are far more important – they deserve the death penalty!

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