By, Sabrina Miller, Editor
Moody Jewish teenagers around the UK are looking for new and innovative ways to rebel against their parents. When traditional routes of teenage rebellion such as excessive drug use and alcohol consumption aren’t doing the trick, look no further. Here are five fresh (Jewish) ways of saying ‘fuck you’ to your parents.
- Texting on Shabbat
Hiding under your covers on a Friday night, you’ve done the unthinkable. You’ve whipped out your phone, turned it on and started messaging your less frum friends. You feel liberated because in this small act of rebellion you’re finally saying ‘no’ to the man! Shit! Your mum is coming! Turn off your phone and pretend to be asleep! Phew, that was a close one.
2. Going to McDonalds (in any country that isn’t Israel)
After coming home from a night out with your mates you stumble across the holy grail of fast food; McDonalds. Tentatively, you approach. Though excited by the prospect of eating somewhere so forbidden, you still make sure to order something vegetarian. You eat a McFlurry and apple pie. Rebellion never tasted so sweet!
3. Celebrating Christmas as well as Chanukah
It starts so innocent; a harmless game of secret Santa with your non-Jewish flatmates, followed by a traditional flat Christmas dinner. By the time you get back home to your nice Jewish family, you know all the lyrics to the Mariah Carey Christmas album, and you’ve purchased a ‘Chanukah bush’ for the family living room that you put right next to the Menorah. Your mum is livid; mission accomplished!
4. Joining Yachad
Despite years of StandWithUs indoctrination and annual trips to your holiday home in Herzliya you’ve finally started asking yourself whether your views on Israel are a bit dogmatic… After doing a bit of research and taking a trip to East Jerusalem on your gap year you’ve bought yourself a Yachad membership and have started campaigning against the ‘Israeli occupation’ to the utter dismay of your grandparents who have just made Aliyah.
5. Dating a goy
You initially downloaded Tinder for the ‘lols’ but after speaking to Chris for a week you’re head over heels and have organised a date. You ask your parents for a lift to the restaurant. Rookie mistake. They’re farshempt! Your mother has torn her clothes in mourning, and your grandfather has threatened to start sitting Shiva! Your life now feels like a scene from Fiddler on the Roof! Shit! This is getting heavy and not what you signed up for. After quickly deleting Tinder you’ve decided that maybe it’s best stick to the drugs and alcohol for now!